Lessons Learnt From Time On The Road
- DONT WHISTLE AT GIRLS. This doesn't work when you're wearing a hat that makes your head look like an acorn and you've been sweating and unshaven for nearly two weeks! It doesn't have the desired effect! Also if the sweat's got in my eyes and I'm wearing my sunglasses (that I've now lost) then my selection of who to whistle at isn't always up to par. I've varied from 15-50+ years old and from Clearasil "Before" Models to full on Troglodytes.
- I MUST STOP SINGING WHEN I GET INTO TOWNS. No explanation needed.
- I AM A HUMAN FLY TRAP. I kill hundreds of the little blighters a day-it's amazing, most get caught on my skin and drown in the sweat, some get eaten, some go up my nose and into my eyes and some seem to just die on the sight of me.
- SUN-TANS. Some people are worried that I won’t be able to keep my beautiful china white skin with all this cycling in the sun. I have to admit my forearms and lower legs are turning a murky off white colour but fear not! The skin under my t-shirt, shoes, shorts, gloves and hat are still pearly white.
- BEARDS. I know they look silly, you know they look silly, let’s move on from that. The curse has returned. I have brown hair. Brown hair all over. Except when it comes to my beard after a certain length. For some unknown reason it goes ginger! Disgusting I know. Is there any hope? Am I being punished for something I did in a previous life? What could I have done that was so ghastly?!
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